Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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