after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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