Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
