The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
