Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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