dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
