I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
