I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i think i just naturally attract stoners
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
