the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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