Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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