some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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