So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
