Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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