i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
