MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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