I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Let's paint friendship bongs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
