let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
