i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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