I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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