we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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