Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
