If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I believe in your delicious
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
