U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
