I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
