So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Four minutes until I can fart!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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