There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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