god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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