Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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