Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
