He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
