woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
