the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
