yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
