Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I skipped work to stalk him.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
