i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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