I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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