i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
