We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
