I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
