This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
