no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
