just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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