he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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