what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
