you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
