How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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