"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
