I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
