I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
