so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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