Apparently you make a good broom.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
