If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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