Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
