Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
