i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
