Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
