Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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